heels became quite easy to walk in
never before had she used them
but this past week they were the only shoes she could use
but oh how she missed her converse

she was a bit groggy
and grumpy
as she always is after a nap
she didn't want to go
she had to tho
it was her cousin's graduation
no one thought she would make it through
not even her cousin herself
but a little part of her always knew
that the day she would get to see her walk
would come
that didn't make her want to be there
she still wanted to be home sleeping

and as soon as she walked out of that parking garage
she felt like just going into the car and just staying there
she was not at all a people person and seeing this many people
well it didn't make her happy

she'd be fine tho
she always was
she walked down the line looking for her aunt
only to be sent to the front again
so that her grandma would be able to find a place to rest
so she waited there away from all or most of the people

and she could finally enjoy the day
it was a good day
it had been a good few months or year
she hadn't argued with her parents
or with anyone else
she had some friends who were constantly making her laugh
she had met a boy

a boy that she sat with through out the whole year
who was nice and made laugh and smile like almost no one else
sure they were only friends but that didn't mean anything
and she made through her junior year
just one more year to go
she wouldn't mess it up

being away from everyone finally let her look around
she never really was good with detail
and she had always been kind of spacey
which is why when she did try to take everything in
she only noticed the people
and the police officers

and the arms that they had

and a sudden thought burst through her mind
making her float
high away
beyond anyone's reach
it was a blissful thought
that would later scare her
just like every other thought that she had along those lines
but while this one dealt with the arms and Kurt Cobain
all the other ones dealt with free falling

it's only been
one hour
one fucken hour

but already i feel
the urge to
txt him

im trying to make it a few days
but
goossshhhh
i don't know how long it will last
the last txt i got from him
was at 9:45

and thats cuz i left him alone
so that he could eat

i may just go the whole summer without
txting/talking him
cuz hes leaving in for the summer
soo
you know
and maybe if im lucky
if i dont talk to him
ill get over it
cuz i doubt ill see him next year
so
maybe this will end soon
thats if i make it thru the detox

someone who makes me laugh
that i could talk to
that isnt afraid to act silly
someone i can have fun with

i don't want someone
whose so...
intense
talks about life
and meaning
and whatever

no i want someone who
will out of the blue say something like
"dolphins are the only other mammals who have sex for pleasure"

not
".."
oh i dont know something serious and philisophical
or horny sounding

i want to talk about
ice cream flavors
or soda preferences

not about how crappy life is
cause i already know that
or how baaad you neeeed to see me
cause i don't think its true
and besides my legs are are closed til youre willing to
put a ring on me

im young and so are you
i no i dont act
like most girls my age
but i am young and i want to have
young innocent fun

maybe im just immature
but i think ur too mature for me